Family Formation @ Saint Paul's

Before we leave for church or on our way, we talk about being good in church and how that makes God happy. We have the kids visit the rest room and take a drink of water before church begins. During Mass, they bring along their Jesus bags and they can draw pictures. We continue to quietly talk during church about how good they are and how happy they are making God/Jesus.

I bring board books for the preschoolers (regular books with paper pages make too much noise). I put these books away and rotate them each week so the kids only view them once a month at Mass. We go to daily Mass during the week so we have a lot of board books! This helps during homilies.

I try to review expected behaviors on the way to church and discuss consequences for broken rules.
    These rules are:
         a. Staying quiet
         b. Keep hands to self
         c. No playing with hymnals
         d. Keep feet off pews

My young ones, three years and under, are usually pretty tough so nursery time is good.
K-5, especially my 2nd and 5th graders I ask them to listen (really listen) to the Gospel and readings and remember 1 to 3 things (rewards do follow on occasion) to bring up on the car ride home. This checks their listening skills.
Lastly, to uphold the consecration of the Body and Blood of Jesus and maintain the reverence for Jesus’ Presence in the Holy Eucharist, as they kneel they look up to Jesus as the miracle occurs, they bow their heads as they 'do this in memory of Me' and they do not sit back until Jesus has left the altar and returned to His tabernacle.

Always dress up for church and dress your children up so that they see you are going somewhere special. Then you can expect special behavior from them. This has even lasted into their teen years, so they understand why they dress up and don’t balk too much at it. Just ask them if they put on make-up, do their hair and dress special to go to a dance? Going to see Jesus should at minimum take the same attention.

The Jesus Bag I purchased at church has been very helpful for our preschooler. It contains a booklet with a priest paper doll with different colored changeable robes, a book that follows along with the Mass that is good for older readers. Only materials that are church related can be inside this bag. (Rosary, etc.)

Have your child mark the readings in the Bible before church.
Discuss church behavior on the way to church: be quiet, listen, and honor God’s house.
Bring Mass for Children book for little ones to follow.

At a very young age, we start teaching about Jesus. We teach what is happening during Mass. Sit toward the very front and teach the children during Mass. By sitting up front, it helps the children to see what the priest is doing. If you have a more active child and are concerned about them being distracting to others, sit by the music ministry. They are still able to take part in the Mass and have a little more to watch. We would bring church appropriate toys - book, children’s Bible, notebook (so they can draw pictures to Jesus), rosary, etc. When all else fails, we remove the child, take them out, and quietly pray for peace over the child and ourselves. Most of all, be patient. More importantly, if the family next to you is having difficulty or challenges, do not criticize them, love them and trust God is caring for them! Also, Mass is not something that is fun and exciting for some children and we must pray for them to catch the fire of the Holy Spirit. Share the importance of prayer and teach them to kneel and pray to Jesus. Teach them that Mass is the BIGGEST prayer ever! We have always found it important to have our children attend Mass at least a couple times a month. Sometimes the nursery is okay, but we believe children learn by doing, so if they attend Mass, they will learn the behavior needed for attending Mass.

I believe it is so important to bring children to church. It is also as important to understand that 80% of the people in church do not have small children with them. It is the responsibility of the parents to respect others. We love to see babies and small children, but they make noise. When they make noise, they distract those around them and, if the child is extremely loud, everyone in the church. A child that cries or makes noise needs to be taken out of the church right away. There are speakers in the other areas of the church, so the parent with the child will not miss out in hearing the service. I always sat in the back of the church with my four children when they were small. When you are getting up with children, it is distracting to those behind you when you are walking out. You don’t have to sit in the back forever, but teaching respect for others to your children by sitting in the back and leaving with a noisy or crying child is important. It sets an example to your children for the future. There is also a nursery.

Preparation is the key! They should get to bed early. They should have a little something to eat. If they are not ready for breakfast, bring something dry and not too much. They will be able to sit better if they have a marker pen or pencil and a notebook. This is enough. Always bring Kleenex. If you believe they can go and be good, they will, too. Practice makes perfect.

Preparation for our family was very important. We talk about God’s house and how we act.
   1.   Don’t run
   2. Talk quietly
   3. No food or drink
   4. We go to the bathroom and get a drink before Mass
   5. We only leave Mass if someone is feeling ill or baby needs care
We always sit close to the front so little ones can see. We bring only prayer books for the little ones to look at during Mass. If a child is disruptive, we take them out (usually with Dad) and they will not get donuts after Mass. We feel it is very important to bring children of all ages to Mass. They learn how to behave, learn what the Mass is, and learn about the beauty of our Catholic Church.

Always, always find ways to point out and encourage respect for the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. In our family we whisper what is happening at the moment of Consecration into the ears of little ones, insist on reverent kneeling in His Presence, we all must face the altar, and under no circumstances (short of imminent illness) is anyone to leave the sanctuary during the liturgy of the Eucharist. If your children believe in and have a love for the Eucharist they will be faithful, lifelong Catholics.

We bring little church books to let them look at during Mass. On the drive to church we review the readings for that Sunday and pray together. We discuss rules for behavior during Mass. We have child rosary beads for them to hold.

Her young son had a very difficult time getting ready for Mass, misbehaving, etc. When they got home, she talked to him about how his actions were difficult for the whole family. She then had him draw a picture showing what he should have done. She hung the picture in his room and referred to it the next Sunday when it was time for him to get ready for Mass. They never had that problem with his again!

Each child has their own Bible and Mass book to use at Mass. After the homily time, all Bibles and prayer books are put away and not used unless the child can follow the Eucharistic prayers. Children under three years old are held in a parent’s arms for the entire Mass (except the Our Father and the last song). We only give our younger children (2-3 years) their one book when we are seated. Every time we stand, the child’s book goes down. If we do have to leave with a disruptive child, we stand in the back, continuing to hold the child. If Mass is exceptionally long, we do go in the back room where the child can roam contained. Make sure all children visit the bathroom and get a drink before Mass. We only use our Mass books for Mass so they are special for that time.

Have a church bag filled with items like crayons and coloring books, picture books or cards, small favorite quiet toy, etc. (based on child’s age). If age is appropriate, use the nursery for a time (especially for little ones that have too much energy).

My girls are 9 and 11 and still I remind them at Eucharist time to really pay attention here!

If our children misbehave during Mass, we have them kneel down and pray after Mass. They don’t go to the donut room until they finish praying. Our children bring a notepad and pen to write and draw pictures of Jesus.

We keep a special bag called our church bag which contains the kids’ rosary, special church related books, Kleenex, coin purse for giving offerings and to make a donation for donuts after church if they behave. The bag gets put away until the following Sunday--this keeps it interesting.

Encourage your children to participate by singing, preparing an offering envelope before Mass, politely shaking hands with those around them during the Sign of Peace, and praying the Our Father with the community. Even very small children can do these things.

If you have good discipline at home, you will also have it at Mass. It needs to be a continuation of their normal life. Try to go to daily Mass to make it a more frequent, normal occasion of life.

We purchase special coloring books/markers that we only use in Mass and carry these in a special bag. Books are on the Mass, Saints, etc.

From the age of potty training (once accomplished), we lay down a no exceptions rule; no leaving Mass to go to the bathroom. We help with this for several years by taking them to the bathroom just before Mass. Some people think this is harsh, but our kids have never really minded--they just saw it as a basic expectation in our family.

It is at times challenging. When discipline is needed, we do leave the sanctuary and go to the back rooms for our child to calm down. Bribes of NO donuts work very well for us and we stick to our beliefs and rules so they always expect the same things. Consistency is very important!

Last year my three-year-old son learned the Mass challenge that was offered through Family Formation. We brought those blue cards to Mass every week until he learned them and was able to identify the greeting, Our Father, Great Amen, Consecration, offering, Communion, etc. He was learning, he kept busy and he was able to think for himself about what was coming up next (instead of asking us if it’s almost over, yet).

Bring your children to Mass from the little ones to the oldest. We learned early that sitting in the back of church does not help you or your children in participation. Marian learned one day that Joshua, who was then three years old, could not see anything but people’s butts. We then decided to sit up front. He started to behave, but more than that, he started to participate (singing) and enjoy it. With Dominic, we started sitting up front at 7 weeks. He’s now just turned two and he participates with singing, saying Amen after prayers are said, raising his hands and during praise time says "thank you, Jesus" over and over.

Newborns - 1 ½ years could be brought in but if they are just too fussy make use of the nursery and when they settle down bring them back in.
2 and up: Bring them in and sit up front. They may be less likely to be bored if they’re up front watching all the action.

We have found it very helpful to make Sunday morning go more smoothly when we get ready the night before:
     1. find shoes for every child
     2. find socks for every child
     3. find and lay out an outfit for every child

My child (6 years) will become bored. We bring religious books for kids so she can share in the Mass as she doesn’t really understand what is going on.

Taking children (babies and young children, too) to Sunday Mass:
When we had our first 2 children we used the nursery more often. Now we feel that we should and want to bring them into Mass with us. God has blessed our family they are pretty well-behaved.

When our daughter was in pre-school we sent her to Sunday school every week it was offered and she loved it. The problem came when she became a kindergartner--she could not sit still in Mass! She was so used to being entertained during this time that she was just bored and naughty during Mass for almost a year. Consequently, we keep our next child in Mass with us with much better results. Only offering Sunday school once per month, as they do now, is a much better idea.

It would help if those people without children would:
     a.   Not give condescending looks to parents.
     b.   Offer to help the struggling parents (during Baptism the priest
     says that the Christian community will help rear the children)
     c.   Affirm and encourage parents for even bringing their children
     d.   Realize that even if children went to the bathroom before Mass,
           they are kids so they still may have to go to the bathroom during Mass.
Let the little children come to Me.